Pop Culture... and Less

I Owe My Ex Money

This is probably one of the rarest times in Pop Culture and Less when I will unhesitatingly wear my heart out on my sleeve.

To confirm the above title: yes, I do – and I’m ending up giving myself romance inferno because of it.

Last year was when it doomed on me that I have finally entered fierce adulthood. Finances slumped at 1,000,000 miles per hour towards hell, and the event was pretty much a bitter farewell to the good ol’ days when I was the one capable of being magnanimous and be such almost never without thinking twice.

It had already been half a year then that we have fallen into the habit of living separate lives. I took the chance nonetheless and borrowed. The pride it required was humongous and painful to swallow; it felt like eating cactus especially while you stood there sensing the great doubt.

Today, I find myself more unable to be the jokester that I am during our fleeting interactions. I was never let in ever since; to this day, I am still knocking. Couple that after the flashing of the STOP sign on my face with the remembrance that I am in debt, you do the math and figure out how it feels.

Perhaps I haven’t really gotten over the entire affair no matter how I show the world otherwise. ‘Cause there I was, thinking that I have found what we all naturally seek in our lifetimes, only to realize later on that I may have loved much more than I was loved. I don’t need 5 minutes or 5 seconds to decide whether or not I should go ten extra miles; and had the situation been the other way around, I’d write similar arrears on water, reservation absent. It’s the timeless battle of conditioned vs. unconditioned.

Next month, I’ll do whatever it takes to sacrifice usual expenses just to raise the imbursement. I will then promise myself that the transaction will be the last thing we’ll ever do together… so I can start learning to become the most conditional bastard anyone has ever seen. Just kidding. But I’ll move on. And when I ultimately get lucky – in the truest sense of the word – I’ll look back and be thankful because I was able to make a move that secured me a berth in paradise.

UPDATE: Forgot to ever say that this debt has been paid.